Bhawana Somaaya

Religious books define charity, endurance, meditation, compassion as ways of reducing pain and bringing peace in one’s life. Religion describes peace as happiness…Romantics define passion as happiness…

The fact is happiness cannot be restricted by definitions. It is transitory and changes from person to person and time to time.

As a little girl happiness meant a new frock, shoes, school bag and raincoat and every time I was deprived of these I was unhappy. Today I feel how selfish I was to only think about myself. It did not occur to me even once that my parents did not always purchase me new things because perhaps they could not afford it.

In childhood unknowingly but happiness was expectations.

As I grew older and pursued my dreams I discovered that happiness is freedom. To be able to choose my subject of study, to be able to enroll in the college of my choice, to hang out with my set of friends and pick wardrobe of my liking was exhilarating. It was the first time I was at liberty to spend my time the way I wanted –I could read, write, sing, paint without constant supervision and express my thoughts without fear or authority.

When I passed college and began working, I realized that happiness is accountability. The more my colleagues relied on me, the more confident and cheerful I became. The extra files and follow ups, the innumerable phone calls and late hours at office were worth the effort when my Boss shook my hand in a room full of people and said, ‘Great show’ or when he sent me a mail that ‘Responsibility is assumed never given.’

The coming decades passed in a daze, partly in climbing the ladder of success and partly in balancing professional and personal relationships. The platter of life was filled to the brim and all the experiences had turned me older and wiser. I was changing, was less demanding and more adjusting. It was no more important that things got done my way as long as things got done the right way and on time and more important, every one involved was happy.

It was a phase of lesser arguments and greater harmony and happiness I realized was perhaps submission. And if that’s true then it’s not very different from what religion preaches that happiness is peace.

Does that mean that I have become enlightened and will no more be distracted by temptations of life…? The answer is I’m no saint and have no desire to be one. Despite all my introspection I continue to feel hurt, envy, insecurity and desire power. Position and money bit there is a difference in the sense that I don’t hanker after them. If they come to me I’m happy, if they don’t, I move on. Today I have a realistic estimate of myself and feel satiated because I have resolved the bigger issues of life.

The deeper issues of life like longing for joy in people, places, nature or things on day to day basis I think will continue forever and they should because that’s what makes life interesting. We live because we value relationships. For most of us it is our family and friends that determine our self worth and if one is not performing at work it’s because we are facing troubled relationship at home.

Therefore comes a phase when we all accept that security breeds happiness.

Sometimes adventure brings a sparkle in life, for instance a chance encounter with a stranger on a flight or a book shop can lead to vibrant communication and stimulation is synonymous with joy. For all artistes their creative responses are dependent on the stimulus provided whether it’s a beautiful skyline, an orange sunset, a flight of the pigeons or a dewdrop on a leaf.

The source of joy may vary from artiste to artiste, for the writer happiness radiates from crisp white paper, a well rounded pen, fluorescent felt pens or a simple scented rubber…For the dancer it is a note of music, a piece of choreography, a well mounted stage or the sound of anklets…For the painter it is the smell of colours or a brand new canvass…

Happiness is memories and everything associated with it and that is why even we become older we usually associate our likes and dislikes to those of our parents, we approve of what they approved and disapprove of what they disapproved. A place we visited, a person we love or a favourite dish we had on a happy moment brings a smile to our face just thinking about it…We don’t realise it but we are emotionally attached to our memories and to our worldly possessions.

I confess I love all my beautiful saris and the slightest blemish on them instills immense sorrow. It’s something I’m not proud of and with age I feel I should be able to detach myself from these hazards but inanimate objects even now have the power to breed immense joy for me…I confess I’m psychologically attached to all my ornaments and find settling my cupboards extremely therapeutic. I’m always excited to watch a movie or a play because it means learning something new.

In sober moods it is always the familiar that makes me happy- for instance ‘beet’ and ‘tomatoes’ among vegetables cheer me up because I love colour red smiling at me from my plate. In the house I love white flowers particularly jasmine because its fragrance lifts my spirit. I love the smell of camphor, incense and aromatic oils even though I know the joy I obtain from the fragrance is temporary.

The lasting happiness emanates from books, from observations, from introspection. On a day to day basis happiness is to be in the company of friends I like, to work at my own pace, to speak my mind without mincing my word. To sleep and wake up when I desire and relish my two cups of tea in my favourite chair watching the birds on my window sill, to dress by the dictates of the heart not fashion or protocol. Today, happiness is my simple routine of reading newspapers, doing exercise and punching for long hours undisturbed on the computer.

Today happiness is comfort.

There is a possibility that the connotation may change tomorrow. There is a possibility that I may change tomorrow but one thing is for sure, no matter how old all of us get and no matter what goals we seek in our individual professions, all of us will forever and forever pursue happiness.

It is perhaps the most simple and therefore the most difficult ingredient of life.

Bhawana Somaaya
Author and editor
www.bhawanasomaaya.com